Friday, August 28, 2009

Diary 3

I remember That morning after the drunken night before...I was waking up Very early and I was Anxious to say the Least...!!!

It was snowing like crazy, So should have been... to walk through Manhattan and its East Village to the West side of downtown in this snow craze that was happening.

We walked west so that it would be easy for me to take the 2/3 uptown where I lived.Of Course, he being a gentleman as always.

Snowstorm in Manhattan (fairytale seen at a movie almost) and a very cute coffeshop.....and Peter.....this December morning. We had our coffe. He even bought me bread to take why was it just not it? I've asked myself this so many times.

I loved Peter, in my own way. The only possible way for me at the time. It should/could have been perfect.

Only...I was So Lost. I had been for years. And my dear boy had No Clue. I had No Clue.

I had done All I Could to Not Feel Anything for years. You name it, I've done it!!!

All my doing was with my mind....I closed my heart so I did not have the connection I should have had with my heart....remember.... mind to heart and heart to mind... this resulting in me feeling like I was never in a game where I was a player, ONLY to feel like I was the Audience of all. I was watching life pass by from the side. Nothing was/ felt real.

One can argue now that the love was not the right kind. One can too argue that the Time was not the right kind. I am going with the latter....! Or....this was a lesson to learn from and grow. I've done that though....So what?

No, we did not go to the church that Sunday evening. I was too unpredictable.

I Was Wild!



Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for nearly a year and have loved, loved, loved your recent diary entries. My girl, you can write!

Thank you for sharing. Be well.

Alice Saga said...

thank you!!! this was by Far the Best Compliment I've gotten for a long time. Maybe because i've been a little nervous about being so open and honest. All of it coming directly from my heart.

w/ love

K, said...

Thank you for opening up to us-your readers. Myself-I've learned through years to close my heart to avoid getting hurt. It made me distant, disconnected and empty...
I hope you feel better now, Alice. I wish you all the best.xx

Alice Saga said...

I am So Much Happier dear K!!

Hope you are as well?