Monday, March 26, 2018


all the diversity, all the charm,
 and all the beauty of life are made up of light and shadow
leo tolstoy, anna karenina

this past week has been such a sadness week. one filled with acknowledgments of being grateful but too of loss.

i've had invaluable help of someone, his name is tony or rather was. i had been in such sadness circumstances and he helped my whole life turn around for the better. i trusted him, and he was, i guess, the only one i have seen regularly for over a year. i adored him quite frankly. and was looking forward to maybe have him be in my personal life. we were a team, that is how i viewed it. i felt safe knowing he was to help me and was on my side at all times. what am i to do know when he is no longer?
such so full of life, loved living, being quirky, being clever and so (as he knew himself very much so๐Ÿ˜…) loving being alive. i thought so often, give me whatever he is having:)))  dear creatures i am tiny bit scared again.
so my week has been about thinking of how grateful i am to be alive and to have my close knit family primarlily mom & aunt to be alive. 
i am to go to tony's funeral and am frightened. but i so wanna meet his wife and his daughter whom must be in such suffering. i too wanna meet all the others that tony has helped over the years.

of course alice
yes yes yes lovely thanks safety

oh tony tony tony
did this really happen?
creating art work
so he's in heaven now
yesterday i decided to find words that describe tony my friend
i am to write them out in the various clouds i have outlined/ painted below

i am so happy that i in the end of last year gave him a gift. because he had done so much for me and my situation with wellbeing and feeling safe again finally.
he loved it. he told all his friends in his office and a phoebe reminded me of this the other day. i am so grateful that i did this. and i am so grateful that he loved it.
oh dear god in the heavens give me grace.

spring is a tiny bit happening
the love of bees & flowers perfection

yes yes yes
epping forest magic

other things maybe less important in the scheme of things i was without a phone for weeks before getting a new one, and this past thursday morning my computer had died. it was stressful and prayed for no more things happening now. but i happen to have a kindness goodness aunt whom loves me beyond everything and am not sure how i deserved that privelidge. very grateful that i did get that though!
so this is an adventure with my new computer
a couple of new desktop images

 my photography of course:)

my first and newly created iphone cover

mirror selfies 
 wearing a vintage dress 

today's outfit
prairie vintage

dress is by from zara

spring a year ago from kew gardens 

jessie dunne in my garden in a dress by to be adored
polaroid perfection

from today as captured with my iphone x

lovelies i am so tired.
i wanna share more of all the love i am experiencing from my online art classes and such but it will have to wait until next week or so. dears to be in the moment... to feel sadness and joy at the same time, that is to be my practice in order to  feel be alive.

faith hope love

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