Monday, August 10, 2015

A Very Personal Story: Hello Sun In My Face

let me share a story on why on earth i started this project i used to call it's just a faerie tale, a tale i now  call the faerie tales of violette):

the 13th of february 2014 i had a mental breakdown.

it did not just happen, it was build up over time over more than a year. i do not want to discuss too much on these keep it short i had a stalker, was threatened with a knife in the woods, was screamed at on the street, thought i was pregnant crazily so and i had been ill for months months months. so much more to delve upon...! but enough is enough. something significant happened  too... a month after my breakdown one of my closet friends was assassinated, shot in the head just because he was reporting truths. i finally wrote a heartbreaking tiny post about this, you can read it here

to be alone always is not good. it makes you question your worth as a human being. that maybe all that is happening to you is your own fault. that you are worthless. i know now that i am not that. i have value as we all do. i know that here i have spoken about how we are all special, but i have not really believed it for myself. 

london for me has not been great

for the longest time here in london, i have had almost zero friends (my fault?). it does not really matter whose fault but while all this was happening i had noone to talk to. zero local people invited me in. i was sad about this for a long time. but why would i bother? why bother about the ones whom just does not cares when there are a millions who does? they just happen to live elsewhere! anyways... i was basically scared always. this is a truth still but i know now that i have others, i have millions of best friend in the whole of US and of course in my hometown in sweden.

 i thank god for giving me this though. it might sound strange. but it gave me people. people to give me tools for the rest of my life. order to be able to handle my breakdown, i started something that i have survived upon since a child when i had no idea how to respond to feelings that were beyond me. 

i started again to pretend, to pretend that  me/ my life was different. that me was someone/thing else. a promise to you, i am to expand on this since it's been a life story of mine. just so you can see the dots looking backwards.

this pretending saved my life!

the cherry blossom girl happened:))

these are raw images. from light room.
april 2014

hello there:)))

the next day's wonders
again, the above images are raw.  a raw truth so to speak! or shall we name it a raw longing???

i am to forever and ever work to open people's eyes to mental health. this is not something to be ashamed feel happiness, dread, hopelessness, sadness...whatever it is just open up the conversation.  i deal with mine in a certain way. i am not ready to share just yet how exactly i am doing this and how exactly i respond to this amount of sadness. but believe me i will since it will help others. at least to not feel shame about it! let's start a conversation. to stop loneliness and isolation.

hello sun in my face:)))

"why i wake early
hello, sun in my face.
hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety-

best preacher that ever was,
dear start, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light-
good morning, good morning, good morning.

watch, now, how i start the day
in happiness, in kindness."

with love millions of love
your friends are your angels
alice solantania saga

(yes i rambled. sorry about that)


lisa said...

thanks for sharing your personal story and journey, your imaginative spirit is a gift! ♥ ♥ ♥

Alice Saga said...

Thank you Lovely Lovely you:)))i am grateful for having you as a friend in my life:)!!! xxx