Alice in Wonderland: Grattis På Födelsedagen Min Älskade Mamma

jag hoppas du har haft/ har en underbar dag:)))

today is my beloved mom's birthday

this is 1 year ago in my house:)))))))))

see how happy and beautiful my mom is/was?

this collage is actually from the year before (2013) that i emailed her.

last year my mom and my aunt came to visit me, mainly to celebrate my mother's birthday. this is me having organized a birthday breakfast. the first one i have ever created. i remember i was so happy. also, because i had a special gift for my mom. see the pink butterfly thingy:)? we devoured champagne, candy and some other delicious cheeses and fruits.

i gave her my first ever printed out self-portrait. it's from the first series i created, the cherry blossom girl and this is one of my fave's from that series. she loved it:) it's now up on her wall in the house of hers. it's among some other beautiful paintings.

we went to the saatchi gallery

mother & aunt:)

at patridges in sloane square

me and mom

it was such a day.

i have thought about my mom a lot recently. i know you all know that i have not felt that well for quite some time and as i mentioned in a former recent blogpost i mention that i have never really been that well, or as i said felt safe to open up to anyone in my family. and how i have struggled since i was 12 years old.

i need to make one thing clear!

my mother has always done the best she could. she has always loved me beyond. and there is No One else in our world I Love more than her. she knows this! when you are brought up with a single mother, at least during your formative years special bonds happens.

missing mother. my biggest fear.
joyce carol oates perfection

we all have our struggles. sometimes they just happen to get quite serious because of environments in childhood and then together with circumstances & how one has in an early stages "learned" how to deal. if that how to deal is destructive there will be a time when things falls apart. and perhaps majorly so.

anyways

this is some images from my childhood.

yes the child here in all images = me:)

hahaha

me, my beautiful mom

with

the man who has been the only true one

my dear dear dear grandfather

the one whom taught me how to cycle, ski & drive a car
&
so millions more than that
loving me no matter what
you know
loving for just me existing

me and my cool mom

with another love

my god father, jan-ake:))
it's his birthday tmrw actually!!!
grattis i forvag:)

my dear aunt captured this moment

we were about to go to my first trip

cyprus

this trip...!!! of course i have seen our images from this trip and remember all stories my mom, aunt and godfather has told me. the only thing i myself Really Do remember though is my mom "dying" (she fainted because of too much sun and too little water), that. was. and is still. my biggest fear. how i was attached to her. for hours and probably days. after that really scary situation.

granddad:)))) uncle perfection